Know Your Place In People’s Lives and Act Accordingly

“Know your place in people’s lives and act accordingly…”

People's lives

This is one of my favourite quotes.

For a long while now, I’ve been reflecting on friends and how they impact our lives. To a large extent, we think we know our friends well enough but, do we really? The people who we choose to surround us impact our lives more than we think. We believe we are best friends with someone but, is the feeling mutual? Does your best friend think you are their best friend? I am not talking about mere words here because lately, the word “bestie” seems to be at the tip of everyone’s lips. I’m talking about someone you trust, respect and share similar values with.

I was going through my BBM friends list and something caught my attention. Daisy, a good friend of mine on her status wished her best friend Lola a happy birthday. Nothing peculiar about the post; just a simple “happy birthday dear” with two emojis. One smiley face and a hug to be precise. Two days before that, Daisy wished Liz, another friend of hers a happy birthday as well but this time around, there were lots of praises about how wonderful and amazing Liz was and the emojis were endless.

There’s nothing wrong with both messages.

I know all the parties involved and I am sure (100%) that Daisy is closer to Lola than Liz. To be honest, Liz was, in fact, a work colleague. How do I know the extent of both friendships? Daisy has on several occasions gisted me about both Lola and Liz. So I was quite surprised to see the messages she used. Left to me, I would have switched the messages to properly reflect the closeness of both relationships. This is different with guys. They are not as emotional as we ladies are. A simple “HBD Bro” is enough for them but, if you notice, you can almost feel the love in that message. As simple as it is, you can tell that there is a bond. But we ladies are different and we know it. We want fireworks. We want you to put up our pictures and tell us how awesome we are.

Now, before you all howl at me (it’s Halloween here so, bear with me), I know that this is clearly none of my business but, I couldn’t help but wonder why Daisy couldn’t appreciate Lola her best friend the same way (if not more) she appreciated Liz her work colleague. If truly she has been honest about the good things she said about her close friend to me then, I expect more from her than that. I mean this is your best friend’s special day and all you can write is “happy birthday dear”. Like really? Even if you had a big fight a day before the big day I think that should have been kept aside till after the celebration. We (especially me) the spectators don’t need to know that. Well except if what she did is severe enough to end the friendship. In that case, you go girl.

People's lives

Don’t look at me that way, I’m a lawyer remember and knowing other people’s problem comes with the job description. To be honest, I have seen this quite a lot and I just had to say something. Why do some people find it difficult to appreciate people who are close to them? Are they secretly trying to make the new friend their best friend or are they stylishly trying to let the supposed best friend know that they are really not best friends? If I were Lola, my auto-correct button will automatically re-evaluate our friendship and return it back to the status quo of just friends.

Appreciating people goes a long way regardless of if they are bestfiends or not. Be it just friends or in a committed relationship, we need to treat people with respect. Most people complain about how certain people in their lives have suddnely change and I wonder if they have tried to look within themselves to find out if the change occured as a result of their own behaviours or doings. My mom constantly reminds me of saying thank you to someone for the help they’ve shown every time I see them. Not only will the person be pleased that you appreciate their help but they will want to help you more. It’s the same with friendships. When we appreciate our friends the better and stronger the friendship becomes. Do not undervalue your friends.

If we could live alone in this world without friends then I wouldn’t be nosy about people’s status update because it wouldn’t matter. I probably still would but, there wouldn’t be much to talk about. Friends are fundamental in sustaining our mental stability. I’ve seen people appreciate friends more than their siblings although some siblings are just something else (story for another day).

We need to know our places in people’s lives and act accordingly. A friend who cannot openly appreciate another is not a true friend. Don’t even tell me that some people don’t like it or Lola does not like it. Pleeeeaaassseeeee.. I like it on behalf of Lola. We all love to be appreciated. It strengthens bonds. The next time you see your best friend, give her a big hug, Chanel purse and tell her how awesome she is. She deserves it.

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23 Comments

  1. Rich
    January 1, 2017 / 8:01 PM

    Good read and it had me thinking that I personally put more effort in those new acquaintances than I do my best friends and fam, which I take for granted.

    • beesther
      January 2, 2017 / 10:43 AM

      Thank you Rich..

  2. Ama
    January 2, 2017 / 12:52 AM

    Please do not keep me glued to such an amazing piece anyanymor 😛 thats so true though. Funny as it may seem we unconciously do that at some point, and it kinda got me thinking maybe is more of an attention skill towsards our “bestie” not neccessarily jeslousy or ladies petty ways.

    • beesther
      January 2, 2017 / 10:42 AM

      Lol. True talk. Thank you dear

  3. Oge
    January 2, 2017 / 1:20 PM

    This post actually attracted me here. Imagine someone you haven’t spoken to say 15 or 16 yrs all of a sudden is all up in your private life, yes I know you, but that doesn’t give you the right to poke your noise into my private life. My son is just 3months old, am not team snapback, my tummy is still big, and aunty is here telling me how inappropriate it is for me to get pregnant so soon again.
    Anyways I told her to learn her boundary plus plenty other things. Lol!

    • beesther
      January 5, 2017 / 12:14 PM

      Hi Oge,
      I understand how you feel. Some people just don’t know when their opinions are not wanted and even if we allow them to voice out their thoughts, it should be be sensitivity.. Just live your life they way you deem fit. You and you alone know what’s best for you and who you allow into your life.. Thank you for reading and God bless…

  4. Henrietta
    January 14, 2017 / 10:44 PM

    Great piece once again.

    • beesther
      January 14, 2017 / 10:54 PM

      Thank you Henrietta… Cheers

  5. blair villanueva
    March 20, 2017 / 10:59 AM

    Whenever I see my close friends, I randomly asked them out and give them gives simple gifts during no occasions. They said they make feel important to me, which is true.

  6. March 20, 2017 / 12:36 PM

    Yes, this is so very true! I only want authentic friends in my group. I try to always be there for my friends!

  7. March 20, 2017 / 1:59 PM

    I cut a lot of people out of my life and my FB because I don’t need you adding me to bolster your Friends list, and then never say a word to me and that’s what was happening. I’m not too sure about re-evaluating a Friendship based on an FB message though, you never know what else that person could’ve sent to their Best Friend. Personally, if it’s my Best Friend I’ll send a text message to them on their Birthday not a Facebook wall post, maybe a quick FB one too but a text is more personal. You don’t know what that person has sent to or done for their Best Friend on their birthday (off of facebook).

    Ellie

    • beesther
      March 20, 2017 / 2:01 PM

      Very true. It doesn’t have to be done on Facebook. Relationships are personal and in most cases should be kept private. But, when one party is showing appreciation, then it’s time to re-evaluate.

  8. March 20, 2017 / 2:55 PM

    This is definitely food for thought. I come in with the Guy end of the equation. I guess I would be the hey bro guy. lol. Not really. It truthfully depends on what’s going on and who the friend is, and how well I know them. It’s one thing if they are showy then I expect it. But truthfully it means more to me what you do in person than it does on a text or even over social media. I like being spoiled. I just want it to happen in person. The biggest gift you give to me is your time. That’s what I seek.

  9. Shane Prather
    March 20, 2017 / 3:46 PM

    This post really got me thinking. I have girl friends that put me on the backburner when a new man comes into the picture, but then expect to come running back when he’s gone. I will keep being a loyal friend and value my friendships regardless of the time in their lives.

  10. March 20, 2017 / 9:04 PM

    I was having a similar conversation with my friend yesterday, who was talking about keeping an index… like the S&P stock index of the genuine relationships and friendships in her life vs. the “social network”/”Facebook friends” – and it’s so true. Time & your personal investment are important… I so agree with this quote, I’m going to tell my friend about it now… thanks for this share!

  11. March 20, 2017 / 10:24 PM

    Excellent points. I’ve had similar thoughts quite often. Then I’m having second thoughts as in: why does it matter how they feel? Why my feelings have to be in line with theirs?

  12. March 21, 2017 / 4:07 AM

    It’s really a thing for me to know who my friends are so I know what to expect from them. Indeed letting them know that we appreciate them is a big MUST to sustain the good relationship.

  13. March 21, 2017 / 4:39 AM

    Appreciation does go a long way.Ialways maintain old friends ,even when I make new ones.Friends and relations are people Gold

  14. March 21, 2017 / 5:15 AM

    It took me almost a decade to have a full concept and understand of friendships i have found myself to be a terrible friend especially in my 20s. Now that I am in my 30’s I have a small group of 5 Women that are my soul mates and very best confidants with friendships spanning 5 to 20 years with some.

  15. Milica
    March 21, 2017 / 5:36 AM

    I completaly agree with you. I have noticed something like this on a few occasions…I don’t know if that is some “trend” or what?!? Publicly “loving” everyone else more than your best friend, sister or even member of a family…quite strange I would say. Thankfully, there is noone like that in my small cirqle. 🙂

  16. March 21, 2017 / 7:11 AM

    I am very choosy when it comes to making friends. Once I let them in into my circle of friends, they normally stay forever. Ha ha.. I have very few friends.. Nice read.

    http://www.learn2livefully.com

  17. March 21, 2017 / 7:31 AM

    This was a good read! I have been thinking about my friendships as well recently and I couldn’t agree more with what you said. I think in the past I wasn’t a good friend as much as my friends weren’t a good friend to me in return. Toxic relationship am I right? Now, luckily after a couple of years of working on the friendships that meant something to me I finally feel like I have a better relationship with all my close friends.

    ~Crissy

  18. March 21, 2017 / 11:04 PM

    Your post makes a nice read! I’m thankful to have such wonderful friends in my life. I try to keep myself away from the negative people!

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