We Are Not Perfect: Flaws

Flaws empathy communication

We are not perfect. We all have flaws we are not proud of. Flaws that should stay hidden within us. Flaws we wish no one, not even our closest friends should know about. I know my flaws but, I just wish people ignored it. People don’t need to always state the obvious, some flaws are already known. There are some people who find happiness in pointing out other people’s flaws. When they say it, you can see the excitement and joy on their faces as if having flaws is forbidden.

When we decide to point out a person’s flaw, we need to sometimes say it sensitively. Some people are really struggling with their flaws and pointing it out like it is a curse is just wrong. Furthermore, pointing out a person’s flaw is not the same as constructive criticism. Some people think that calling you out on your flaw will help you. Sometimes, it does help but, sometimes it just makes it worse by diminishing a person’s confidence and self-esteem. If you cannot help them, then let them be.

Matthew 7:1-3 (The Message MSG) says ““Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own”. 

I met a European guy once who came to England to learn English. His English was really poor but, he was determined to learn it within a short period. We met up for coffee and obviously, there was no flow in communication. He couldn’t understand me nor I him. The last thing I wanted to do was to make fun of him or point out how bad his English was. To better deal with this, I asked if he had a translator on his iPhone.

This made communication better and fun as well because not only did Google make up its own translations (we had to rephrase our sentences several times) but he learned new English words and I learned some Spanish words. I could see from his reaction that he was appreciative and happy (Contento #BigSmile) with the fact that I didn’t make fun of him and I was patient.

I am a very sensitive person and I don’t like being put down just for the fun of it. When it comes to addressing people’s flaws, communication is very important. When you’re trying to communicate, it’s not about the correction, but how clearly and politely you convey your message.  By throwing out words in a harsh way, you are not only making others feel inferior but, you are distracting them from what you’re actually trying to say. While correcting someone to keep them from embarrassing themselves is really helpful, think about the bigger picture. Will your message hurt them, will the person listen to you or are you correcting them to prove your own point? Nobody likes a know-it-all.

Also, know when to let it go. If whoever you are trying to correct isn’t pleased with your approach or message, stop and apologise. Imposing corrections on people even when the intention behind it is good won’t help. Be Empathic. Empathy helps us to communicate in ways that make sense to others. It helps us understand how others are thinking and feeling before we communicate our messages. It also helps us understand the emotions attached to the responses we receive from those we are trying to correct.

We all need to understand that some people are struggling with their flaws and would really appreciate some understanding, patience and sensitivity. Be empathic when communicating.

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17 Comments

  1. Herlyma
    January 28, 2017 / 11:28 AM

    Hmmmm!!! So true😩🙈….

    • beesther
      January 28, 2017 / 11:35 AM

      Hahahaha… We’ve all being there before… 😊

  2. January 28, 2017 / 8:15 PM

    Lovely post! A much needed message today. We need to fall in love with our flaws and appreciate that humanity in others, which includes flaws. I too truly believe that it is all about the intent behind the message, and the way it is communicated. We can say almost anything with love.

    Thank you for posting this!

  3. olseun
    January 29, 2017 / 10:18 PM

    Thanks Esther. This is Awesome!!!
    We just need to put people first before self. Think before you say or react to something.

  4. Vaibhav Verma
    January 30, 2017 / 11:19 AM

    Nice article 🙂

  5. March 18, 2017 / 5:07 PM

    Well said! Thanks for sharing. You wrote from the heart!

  6. March 18, 2017 / 6:14 PM

    You are so right. Our flaws sometimes hold us back from the amazing things that life has in store for us.

  7. March 18, 2017 / 6:23 PM

    This is a lovely post. Its so important to understand that we shouldn’t ridicule someone and instead be sensitive towards people who may have visible flaws because frankly, we all have them. Some are just a bit better hidden than others! Great post though, very honest and well thought out!

  8. March 18, 2017 / 7:33 PM

    Yes! It seems a lot of people these days are very open with their criticisms and judgments. I think it has to do with the internet culture. I prefer to try to build people up instead of tearing them down. I try not to hang out with overly judgemental or negative people either, they are like poison to me. I prefer to think that flaws aren’t flaws at all, they are simply what makes us unique and special. 😀 Everyone is different, which is a good thing! Otherwise the world would be super boring!

  9. March 18, 2017 / 11:17 PM

    Thanks for this insightful post. I am a sensitive person too. When I was growing up, people told me I needed a “thicker skin.” Turns out my sensitivity is perfect for coaching . I am in tune with my clients.

  10. March 19, 2017 / 3:22 AM

    Yep, I agree! I don’t think people need to point out other people’s flaws. Especially if they were not asked. The real question is who determines what’s a flaw? Some people may think they have flaws when another person wish they had what they have.

  11. March 19, 2017 / 3:55 AM

    Inspiring post! It’s true that we all have flaws and we shouldn’t dwell on that. Some people just love telling others of their flaws, and I hate it. We should build people up not push them down. Loved your post.

  12. March 21, 2017 / 2:30 PM

    I agree it doesn’t do any good in our personal relationships to point out people flaws.

  13. March 21, 2017 / 9:24 PM

    This is a great perspective, very inspiring message. Sadly, but some reason people like to point out other peoples flaw, those are the one that need love and be understanding. By pointing other’s people flaws they forget they are actually showing theirs!

  14. Margeaux
    May 2, 2017 / 7:16 AM

    Wow!!!! Did this post ever hit a nerve today with me.
    I’m a person now in the third age, (older). Recently,
    I’ve had some blemish smack dab on my face, which is
    embarrassing, which of course has impacted my confidence.
    Yesterday, I was at an art event, ran into a woman I really don’t know
    that well. Well…..she took the liberty of saying something so rude.
    After we greeted one another, she said, “Oh what is that on your face”?
    Boy, I was caught completely off guard. I clumsily said to her, that it was some
    kind of blemish and I had a future appointment w/a dermatologist. I felt
    terrible being asked this for several reasons. First, I didn’t like the words she chose,
    nor the tone of the question. She made it sound like I had the plague on my face.
    I also felt, by answering her, now I was unwillingly swept up into some rude person’s
    query about a flaw, I obviously know that I have. DUHHH! I couldn’t believe it, because
    this was followed by, “If I were you, I would get to the ER right away and have it checked out.”
    Oh boy! I forced myself to say to her that ER could do nothing for me, and that a dermatologist
    would be the proper expert to see. WHOAH!! I hate to say this, but she set a dull tone to the rest of
    my otherwise nice time at the art event. I came home, and couldn’t stop thinking about how rude,
    insensitive this person was.

    Today I stumbled upon this wonderful article. Thank you so much to Esther, I’m assuming this is author’s name?
    I also like other poster’s thoughts about this subject. I’m also now prepared unfortunately with a response to protect
    my boundaries the next time someone comments with such stupidity! This isn’t the first time this has happened I might add.
    I feel at times that humanity has dipped into an all time low, and the idea of stepping into other’s shoes has become an illusion from the distant past.

    Margeaux

    • beesther
      May 2, 2017 / 3:46 PM

      Hello Margeaux,

      I know exactly how you feel and I am sorry you had to go through that. It’s sad but some people just don’t know how to ignore things. They see something and they just blur out their unwanted opinions without giving it much thought. At the same time, we also need to understand that some people actually mean no harm. They just don’t know how to shut up sometimes. I think you gave her a very good answer without letting her know how much she got to you. Just because she was rude doesn’t mean you have to be. Thank you for sharing this.

      P.s

      I noticed how you made your sentences slant. LOVE IT!

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